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Violet Rhoades

As a junior in high school, I feel as if my uncertainties in life are piling up as the days go by. What to do with my future, where to apply to schools, what schools I’ll even get into; what job or career field I wish to pursue, what state, and how to function without advice from my father being one floor away plagues my mind on the daily. To simply put it, I feel lost. I’m at a crossroad of my life, and decisions I make in the upcoming months, and even years, can be key determinants in what direction my life goes and who I become.

While I wish it was, this is not the first time I have felt like this, and it certainly won’t be the last. Whether it's your first day of elementary school and you don’t know who you will sit next to during lunch, a freshman trying to navigate high school curriculum, deciding what classes are best for you, or even and adult realizing 20 years later the career path you have decided isn’t what you wanted, it’s an inevitable part of life. Things can’t always be perfect, but it’s important for people who feel like this to know they are not alone. Some may not wear it on their sleeves like others, but everyone will be burdened with this fear throughout their entire life, no matter what phase they are in, and how prepared they think they are to combat it.

It’s a way of life, but it’s important to note that you will get through this. You’ve gotten through it before, and you will get through it again. There are always more sunsets to watch, flowers to smell, places to visit, and people to meet who will love and cherish you in ways you may have never imagined. There is a life beyond these days that feel uncertain, and a happy future awaiting you. One that’s meant for you.

It’s hard to accept this reality, though. I know firsthand that what’s happening in your life during this one, specific moment in time may feel like the end-all be-all. It may seem like everyone around you has it figured out, and you're being left behind in your struggles, but that’s 100% not the case. With that, here are my top three favorite films to watch when I’m feeling lost and alone, with no one to turn to or relate to.

Columbus (2017)

Director: Kogonada

Main Cast: John Cho as Jin Lee and Haley Lu Richardson as Casey

I’ve logged well over 1000 films on LetterBoxd and have become very familiar with directorial debuts, and very few match up to Kogonada given the emotional depth, camera work, and symbolism within Columbus. The film follows a man named Jin Lee who is forced to leave Seoul in order to help his estranged father, an architecture professor living in Columbus, Indiana, who fell into a coma. He doesn’t care for the city, he doesn’t care for the architecture, and he doesn’t care all that much about his father. He feels as if he has an obligation to be there and must see it through. That is until he meets a young woman named Casey. Fresh out of high school, despite her love for architecture, she feels as if she’s stuck in place, frozen in time while her classmates move onto bigger and better things. With a drug addict mother, she fears leaving the town for schooling will result in a relapse from her beloved.

As if it were fate, the two cross paths one day, and that one moment they happen to cross paths alters both of their lives forever. Casey is fascinated by Jin’s father, admiring his work and wishing nothing more than to be like him one day, while Jin continues to look at his relationship with his father and the city with indifference. She ends up taking him on a tour of her favorite architectural spots within the city, and two extremely different outlooks on life come to surface. Casey speaks of the buildings as if they’re human, explaining the stability of the building as if it were the stability she wished for in her home life: the sort of stability which would allow her to achieve her dreams and free her from the life that's holding her back, halting her abilities. Jin looks at the buildings from an analytical, academic standpoint, explaining it as his physical eye sees it, the sort of detachment that is found in his relationship with his father. Through deeply philosophical and emotional conversations that I believe most people would benefit from hearing, the two are able to grow in unimaginable ways. Before meeting one another, the two felt as if they were at dead ends of their lives—how it was then was how it was always going to be—yet after meeting one another, the two are able to take control and work though the aspects of life that were holding them back.

Through geometric filmography, Kogonada is able to take a step back from close up shots, and focus on vast spaces, emphasizing the background that the characters are in. With this, the setting of the film becomes deeply symbolic, all while telling an ordinary story of two people in extremely ordinary situations in what I believe to be one of the best Indie films of the decade.

Me and You and Everyone We Know (2005)

Director: Miranda July

Main Cast: John Hawks, Miranda July, Miles Thompson, Brandon Ratcliff, and Carlie Westerman

Like I mentioned before, this feeling is common, and will happen at multiple parts in one’s life. It’s important though, to remember it’s fleeting. First semester of my sophomore year, I was going through another one of these episodes of the perpetual feeling of being lost and feeling like I was the only one. Then one day, a giant box arrived at my front door, addressed to my name. Within it, my Uncle Kris who is both my favorite person and number one supporter in regards to my love of film. sent me countless DVDS of all of his favorite movies. One of these films was Me and You and Everyone We Know and it was just what I needed at that moment of time.

The film follows a woman named Christine Jesperson who works as a taxi driver for the elderly, yet yearns for her art to be noticed by a hotshot curator who can help build her career. One day, she meets a man named Richard Swersey, a recently divorced father of two boys, Peter and Robby. Richard is extremely closed off and emotionally unavailable, and yet Christine can’t halt her infatuation with him. Peter is a quiet teenage boy who becomes a “test subject” to two older girls at school, essentially practicing for their future relationships. Robby is only six, yet enters into an online chat with an unknown stranger without parental supervision.

Throughout this film you see characters in all stages of life, lost and uncertain what the future holds for them. Richard struggles with coming to terms with his failed marriage, Christine follows the typical failed artist archetype, stuck at a job she hates while she struggles to make time for what she loves, and Peter and Robby both deal with different stages of adolescence and the changes that come with age. All the characters are awkward and make countless mistakes, yet it’s within these moments that relationships are revealed, and only then are they able to help each other out of these situations.

Despite every character feeling lost and uncertain of what their future holds, July’s directing allows the audience to see this is a good thing. It’s viewed with warmth and normalcy, reminding the audience that it’s okay to feel that way. You don’t have to have everything figured out, and that’s completely okay! These are times where you learn to love the small things in life, and appreciate aspects that go unnoticed: Passing by pretty flowers on the way to the store, making small talk with those you love, window shopping or even simply going to the store. Change and growth is not linear; that much is apparent within the characters, and change does not happen overnight; it takes time. The most you can do is enjoy the ride, and appreciate those around you.

Anomalisa (2015)

Director: Charlie Kaufman and Duke Johnson

Main Cast: David Thewlis, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Tom Noonan

In a film shot frame-by-frame with the usage of stop motion animation, Anomalisa is one of my favorites that often goes unnoticed. Shot over only one night, it follows a man named Michael Stone who feels constant imposter syndrome as a self-help author who preaches motivational guidance to his readers, yet feels alienation and loneliness within his own personal life. Stone is set to give a talk at the Hotel Fregoli, which is a reference to a condition called Fregoli Syndrome, “the belief that a stranger or acquaintance is someone you know in disguise,” as every character there has the exact same face. Throughout the convention, he has a slight breakdown where he reaches out to a woman named Bella whom he ghosted years before he met his wife, yet upon meeting up, the two share an awkward conversation and his attempt to reconnect fails. Upon returning to his room, he meets a woman named Lisa, who, unlike every other character (including his wife and kids), has her own face and voice. He spends the entire night assuring her that she’s special and means something to him, yet the next day, she starts to blend in with the rest of people in Michael’s life.

Without spoiling the entire plot, Anomalisa does two things in my opinion. First, it validates views that you are not alone in feelings of isolation and loneliness. Many people spend every day searching for a true connection with another yet feel as if it's impossible to achieve. Despite the surrealist telling of it, it reminds people who feel trapped in the same mundane, day-to-day life that again, they are not alone in this feeling. It also reminds viewers that if they want to see changes within these feelings, they have to take action. One way or another, the routine must be tweaked, or broken, even if just for a day. It can be scary, but one change in action could have major changes to your life, and you never know what opportunities could emerge.

Source: Fregoli Syndrome: What It Is, Causes, Symptoms & Treatment