Through the Window

Image from FreePik

Sarah Kidd

I glance through the window

and it's a mirror to my surprise.

I’m familiar with this glass and yet

the past is what greets my eyes.

On one side is present me:

I have the courage to be onstage.

Married to my songs and script,

memorizing every page.

The other side is also me: 

but actually from the past.

It’s how I viewed myself most of high school

in fear of finishing last.

Running myself ragged

playing a sport that made me sick

navigating bad coaches

and teammates assembled in cliques.

Why’d I put up with it? 

Well of course, it’s for social life’s sake!

I am in high school after all,

my external image was fake.

Who am I if I don’t play anyways?

It’d be crazy to stop now.

Because that's the hole I'd dug myself

and honestly I didn’t know how.

This is why I lock eyes with the girls through the window

and my face bursts into flame.

You’re in musical theater now?

You traded your jersey to be lame?

After this reaction 

I examined my life instead,

and found that on this other side

my spring isn’t filled with dread.

I’m not counting down the minutes 

until I get to be free

from this sport and this person

I honestly don’t want to be.

So although theater’s not as “cool,”

this side is where I feel best

I’ve made new friends and smile a lot,

my confidence and self worth have progressed.

Maybe they don’t understand my decision but

I’ve finally found my place,

I really like who I’ve become

the mirror shows someone I can face.

So what did I say 

to that version of me

through the window?

To those girls with cool uniforms and high ponies?

I guess it's a little odd.

I smile and wave and think to myself:I’m happy now, thank god.

Background: I have played soccer my whole life. I attached a lot of my self worth and self image to this sport, and ended up quitting my senior year due to a variety of negative experiences in favor of joining the drama program. This poem was inspired by an event that happened to me recently. I was in rehearsal for the musical (the first musical I have ever done) in the cafeteira, and I looked out the window to see the varsity soccer girls lining up for their bus to an away game. The emotions I felt during and after this experience were confusing and manifested themselves into this poem. Although it mostly encapsulates one experience, it is meant to serve as a reminder to me and to others that trying new things and following the activities you truly love is ALWAYS worth it, no matter what perceived negatives may accompany you in your journey.